Misogeny Inc.: The Dirtiest Rolling Stones Songs Ever

All lyrics penned by Mick Jagger/ Keith Richards, and are the sole property thereof; they are provided only for educational/ entertainment purposes

The Rolling Stones:
Mick Jagger--vocals, guitars
Keith Richards---guitar
Charlie Watts--drums
Ron Wood--guitars (since 1975)
Bill Wyman--bass (1962-1993)
Brian Jones--founder and multiple instruments (died July 3, 1969)
Mick Taylor--guitars (1969-1974)
Ian Stewart--keyboardist & co-founder of the band (July 18, 1938-died Dec. 12, 1985


   Many bands can claim to be the Greatest Rock Band ever. Few can claim that they're the most dangerous rock band in the world. It is a title the Rolling Stones have justly held for half a century. Granted, there's no shortage of dirty, dirty lyrics in the rock pantheon. Consider AC/DC's "Ballbreaker" or "Big Balls"; or Van Halen's "Black & Blue" or "Poundcake.". Or how about German metal band Accept and their 1983 hit, "Balls to the Wall"? Insert yours here--owww, no, that was not intended as a double-entendre.
   The Beatles have held onto the title of the Greatest primarily on the sheer quality of their work, but I believe it's also based on the perception that they're safe, which isn't entirely true. And if you doubt that, tell me who gave us the world's first heavy-metal song? (hint: "Helter Skelter" from The White Album) How many Drug-related songs did they do ("Doctor Robert", "Got to Get You Into My Life", whose subject was marijuana). And for pure sexism go no further than the Help LP (UK or Capitol versions, it simply doesn't matter); go listen to "Another Girl". And all of the above songs proceeded from the pen of Paul McCartney. Ha. Who's the safe band now?
   For sheer volume the Stones are kings of raunch. From their blues roots to their original content, we have been offered a rich font of sexual misdemeanors, a tradition that continues to the present date. Now, as with any such grouping, the following list is entirely subjective and left to the author's own whims and observations. So there.
   Certain criteria of course have to observed to keep this on a manageable level. In choosing the 'dirtiest songs' ever, some things are simple enough: a sexual penchant in the lyrical content, the verbal sneer with which Mick delivers his performance. Some songs that might otherwise have to be included were left out; for instance, "Sympathy for the Devil" was not considered for the simple reason that it wasn't simply sexual--it was just plain fekking evil.
   I will try not to go into a mind-numbing depth of critical analysis of each song; instead in most cases, I will allow the words to speak for/condemn themselves. And here we go, in no particular order....

--"Brown Sugar"/ "Bitch" (from Sticky Fingers, RS COC 59100, April 1971)

   The problem with most rock singers is that  they can't enunciate well. If they could, there are a lot of songs I love that I may well have been leery of. I have in my possesion a TIME magazine article dated July 17, 1972, which covers the Stones' 1971-72 U.S. tour. My grandfather handed me a few stacks of these old TIMEs in the hope of broadening my intelligence and furthering my writing career. 

   Well, this particular article coincidentally also offered up the lyrics to one of my favorite songs from my childhood, "Brown Sugar". I should have paid better attention sooner! Mick Jagger was barely coherent on vinyl singing these words. I was reading  these lyrics with not-so-naive eyes and thinking, as David Tennent's Doctor would, "What! WHAT!" My god, is that what he's been saying all these years?

Gold Coast slaveship bound for cotton fields/ Sold in a market down in New Orleans

Scarred old slaver know he's doin' all right/ Hear him whip the women just around midnight--

   I'm thinking the same thing you are: "Jesus!" Look, when you're young you don't care about the context; you just love the screaming blues guitar and the backbeat and the horny saxophone. You can barely understand what Mick's saying anyways, what do the words matter? It's only as I listened to songs later in life that I could step back and think, that's what I've been listening to all my life?

   This was the first single from the first LP on the Rolling Stones' own label. My parents bought this as a 1971 Christmas present along with John Lennon's Imagine and Three Dog Night's Golden Biscuits. I was so innocent I didn't even get what they meant by "Brown Sugar"; all I knew was that the song moved. Hanging out with my brother, I picked up on what it implied--"ohhh!"--Then things started to make sense.

   As for the other song--isn't the title bad enough? Well, you could call it a song of rejuvenation, and stimulation, and...oh, just read:

Yeah when you call my name/ I salivate like a Pavlov dog

Yeah when you lay me out/ my heart is pounding louder than a big bass drum, alright

--"Stupid Girl" (B-side of "Paint It, Black" single, from Aftermath, Decca SKL-4786, April 1966

   

   A diatribe against the vain, whiny, shallow, self-absorbed girls you find roaming the halls of Sunnydale High in Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

The way she talks about someone else/ That she don't even know herself

She's the sickest thing in the world/well look at that stupid girl

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up etc. etc.

--"Under My Thumb" (same LP)

   Really? You need to ask? In these verses the woman is not simply objectified but abased; Fifty Shades of Grey prefigured by 50 years. My wife can't even listen to this song. Here's a clue why:

Under my thumb, the squirming dog who's just had her day

Under my thumb, she's the sweetest pet in the world..

--"Heart of Stone" (from Out of Our Heads LP, Decca SKL-4733, October 1965)

There's been so many girls that I've known

I've made so many cry, and still I wonder why

Here comes a little girl, I see her walking down the street

She's all by herself, I try to knock her off her feet

'Cause you'll never break, never break, never break, never break,

This heart of stone...

An early-career song in the blues style, reeking of defiance and sexual domination.

--"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" (Decca single F12220, U.S., August 1965):

Yeah, you knew this had to be in here somewhere. This is how a man feels when his needs are not met, be it girls or cigarettes or annoying advertisers. But we're focused on DIRT here.

When I'n ridin' round the world/and I'm doin' this & I'm signing that

and I'm tryin' to make some girl/who tells me baby better come back later next week

'Cause you see I'm on a losing streak/ I can't get no, oh no no no

--"Star Star" (changed from "Star Fucker", from Goat's Head Soup, RS COC 59101, Sept. 1973)

This is what followed Exile on Main Street:

Honey, I missed your two tongue kisses/ Legs wrapped around me tight

If I ever get back to Fun City, girl/ I'm gonna make you scream all night

Yea, you're a star f---, star f---, star f---, star f---, star, 

Yeah, yeah, for three verses in the chorus.. Included on their 1974 tour was an inflatable, Godzilla-sized pecker accompanying the band on stage. The umm,  name was changed to "Star Star" on the label after Atlantic Records refused to distribute the LP with the original offensive title, The BBC meanwhile banned the song even after the title change.

--"She's So Cold" (from Emotional Rescue, RS COC 16015, June 1980)

Ice queen? At least in Mick's mind, there's no comparison to the subject of this little ditty:

She's so cold/ like a tombstone

When you're old, nobody will know/ that you was a beauty, a sweet sweet beauty

A sweet sweet beauty, but stone stone cold

--"Start Me Up" (from Tattoo You, RS COC 16052, October 1981)

Let's start with the record sleeve; what the F--- is that? Anyway, the last great Stones Classic began life as a cast off from Some Girls. Love (or Lust) is portrayed as a series of double entendres , trading motorcycle racing phrases for sexual references. 

You can start me up/ Kick on the starter, give it all you got

I can't compete/ with the riders in the other heats

If you rough it up/ if you like it you can slit it up, slide it up

Slide it up, slide it up...

--"Little T & A" (from the same album)

Yep, the title is exactly what it implies, another catchy riff and a surprisingly scandalous vocal by Keith Richards:

Well the sense is sensing/ that the juice keeps pumping and I know why

the bitch keeps bitching/ snitcher keeps snitching

--"Let's Spend the Night Together" (single, London 904, December 1966)

Ed Sullivan made them change the name to "Let's Spend Some Time Together" for their appearance on his show in January 1967, while some radio stations banned the song and played the B-side, "Ruby Tuesday" (in the UK of course, the B-side was the A-side--which makes total sense! Hahahahaha!) And this is one of their milder dirty songs:

Still I'll satisfy your every need/ and now I know you will satisfy me

--"Hey Negrita" (from Black and Blue, RS COC 79104, April 1976)

   This tune was born from the band's shared interest in reggae music. Of course it caused a controversy. 'Negrita' ('little black girl') was Mick's pet name for his then-wife Bianca, a Latina. But what is one to make of Mick's subsequent remarks over the song: "What, you think colored people won't like it? Well, only the most sensitive ones. It's about South Americans, that's just what you say, you know? You say, hey negrita..."

I say hey Negrita, hey now/ Move your body, move your mouth...

Flash of gold in your ears, child/ Flash of gold in your eyes

Saw the gleam in your mouth/ saw the steel in your thighs...

--"Some Girls" (from Some Girls, RS COC 39108, June 1978)

   And they keep coming...I probbaly should not repeat what Mick says about black women. It's a bragging song about all the things they give HIM, typical of the blues tradition.

White girls they're pretty funny/ sometimes they drive me mad

Black girls just wanted to get f----ed all night/ I just don't have that much jam

Chinese girls are so gentle/ they'r really such a tease

You never know quite what they're cookin'/ inside those silk sleeves

   To be fair, at least they spread the racism around; ALL women get the sexist treatment this time around, which caused no end of ruckus among feminists and civil rights groups. At least they cut it down to 4:37 minutes, instead of giving us the full 23-minute jam they started with.

"Honky Tonk Women" (single, Decca F12952, July 1969; later released on Let It Bleed, Decca SKL 5025, Dec. 1969)

   One of the shortest songs in terms of lyrics, it strikes a homer in the shortest time. Here's a country-flavored tale of an illicit night in another ratty hotel. This wouldn't be the last time prostitution fitted in a Stones' song; the same theme runs through "Hey Negrita" as well. The term 'honky tonk woman' refers to a dancing girl at a country-&-western bar, who may or may not work as a prostitute.

I met a gin-soaked bar-room queen in Memphis/ she tried to take me upstairs for a ride

She had to heave me right across my shoulder/ 'cause i just don't seem to drink you off my mind

--"Short and Curlies" (from It's Only Rock & Roll, RS COC 79109, Oct. 1974)

   Sexism in reverse; it's the man's turn to suffer. I can't say much more than that, except that this is how it starts:

Too bad she's got you by the balls/ you can't get free at all

She's got your name/ she's got your number

You're screaming/ like thunder/ and you can't get away from it all

It's too bad, she's got you by the balls...

--"Rough Justice" (from A Bigger Bang, Virgin B000A7Q27I, Sept. 2005)

   Never let it be said that age will take away from your sexism. They still have it in them to offend us all:

One time you were my baby chicken/ now you've grown into a fox

Once upon a time I was your little rooster/ but now I'm just one of your cocks

Thanks for stopping in. Hope you enjoyed this little tour of offensiveness.

Why Donald Trump will Never be on my Hit Parade

     Hey, is anyone else as personally offended by Donald J. Trump's stand on immigrants as I am? Everyone in my family should be offended by his inflammatory garbage, especially that nonsense abut building a Berlin Wall all over the U.S.-Mexican border. Yeah, like walls have ever been a successful deterrent; people always seem to find a way around those fekkin' things. Look at the Maginot Line: "oui, thees weel keep out those pesky Germans." Look it up, see how well that worked. But I digress.

     Apart from the fact that Trump is a typical Republican clone whose only appeal is to the paranoid John Birch Society rednecks, it should be pointed out to all of you gimps, that every White Person in America is in fact the descendant of immigrants, and not just the British; we have always had a very large measure of German blood in our white-stock, from colonial days on, as well as Lithuanian, Polish, Italian and every other cultural sector of Europe. On my father's side there are a lot of Danish and Scandanavian great-grandparents. and then there's Abuela.
     Aha, abrupt shift change. 'Abuela', you says? For all you gringos who flunked Spanish, that's the Hispanic word for 'grandmother', and that's how we always knew her. We never thought of her as 'a person of Hispanic origin', or any of the less flattering words fluttering through your paranoid brains. She was always Abuela, although technically she was our great-grandmother.
     She came to New York at the turn of the century from Puerto Rico, she worked all her life and raised a brilliant person we knew as Grandma. Abuela was second to none when it came to preparing traditional Spanish foods, though to be honest I was a bit of a turd when it came to that, being a picky eater and all. I can't remember a time when Abuela ever spoke to us in anger or belittled us. Honestly, she probably should have since we were all a bunch of little hooligans.
     Immigration idiocy aside, I'm always concerned that some people would want to place the Football that the President always carried, with all the nuclear codes to launch a world-ending strike, into the hands of a man who has publicly referred to himself in the third person. You know, only nuts in the movies do that. The problem with bullhorns like Trump is, they don't differentiate between those who came here illegally or not. In his mind all Latinos, Mexican people especially fit into the stereotype of 'dirty little drunks y'all cain't trust wit' a silver dollar'. You know that's how John Birchers feel, that's how Mexican people were portrayed in all the old Hollywood movies.
     Trump would deport any and all Latinos, given half a chance, and he'd use the excuse they've always used when an immigrant group becomes inconvenient: "Oh, them dirty foreigners is takin' aw jobs away!" That's a bad habit of ours, to invite immigrants into this country to do the hard dangerous work, work them to death like slaves; then, once the job is done, we turn on them and hound them out of the country or pass abominable laws to keep them out. That's what happened to the Chinese and the Irish who build this country's railroads. (The Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882, which was not repealed until 19-fekkin'-43. No surprise, it was introduced into the House by a Republican, Horace F. Page.)

Our Documents- the Chinese Exclusion Act-1882
http://www.ourdocuments.gov/doc.php?flash=true&doc=47

     As for the issue of 'taking our jobs away'? I call b.s. The sorry truth, and we all know is, is that Latino people are hired in the U.S. of A. for minimal wage jobs-cleaning floors, farm labor and other jobs white people wouldn't bring themselves to do. Ni skilled positions are being taken away by,  or given to, people of Hispanic origin. We've frittered the best jobs away over the last 30 years to outsourcing to Chinese and others who work for virtually non-existent paychecks, in conditions so terrible that naming them 'sweatshops' would be a understatement.
     You have to wonder sometimes why Hispanic people risk life and limb, trying to bypass INS and keep on coming here. Why? I think we've made it abundantly clear that to a lot of people, they are just not welcome. That's certainly the case with politicians who need to appear tough on something sometimes, and immigrants are always an easy target for idiots. That's really a disservice to our nation, because the best ideas, the best minds, hell some of the best foods have come from people who are 'not from around here.'
     Now you're asking me to support a man who would;ve happily deported my great-grandmother? Huh. I'd find that laughable if so many nutjobs in this country weren't pathetic enough to support him.

How the West Was Won (1963)

   John Wayne has a checkered past when it comes to his participation in EPIC MOVIES! (sorry, you simply can't talk about these things except as over-sized motion picture EPICS!) Cecil B. de Mille's reputation as a director focused on his penchant for movies taken on a massive scale; particularly since he did make The Ten Commandments (which about that, see you all in the spring). "How the West Was Won" was Hollywood's love song for the Pioneer Spirit that founded our nation, with its good and bad individual, the mountain man and the naive pioneers with only god in their side. Sometimes that wasn't enough.

   Every once in a while a Hollywood epic corrals its best & brightest stars.Some such efforts fall nothing short of disaster (The Greatest Story ever Told  springs to mind),; others put you right beside the men fighting and dying in the trenches (The Longest Day). The Duke's misfortune was to be a participant in all three of the above-mentioned films. With narration by legendary actor Spencer Tracy, we trace the myth of the West, from the rapids of the Ohio River, to the wagon trains crossing the plains and the divisions of the Civil War. The sequence where they're laying the tracks for the Iron Horse is impeded by the stampeding buffalo and a great train robbery,  bringing the legend of the settling of the West to a close.
 
   Legends are as useless to a story without a person to populate it, and so we have a family whose history we follow through all the hardships of the American 19th Century wilderness. We have mountain man Jimmy Stewart, clearly much too old for the part he was give. America's sweetheart Debbie Reynolds turns in stronger performance as Lilith Prescott than one would think possible. Of course Jimmy picks her sister Eve (Carroll Baker, while Lilith winds up with a ne'er do well gambler, Cleve Van Valen, played by the great Gregory Peck.

   I should mention that John Wayne has a remarkably short cameo, given his star billing. He is having a campfire pep talk with Henry Morgan (M.A.S.H.'s Col. Potter), playing Ulysses S. Grant. The Duke is General. Sherman, which begs the question why they cast these two fellows in roles where their height is obviously working against them. But his job is to pour vinegar on Grant's spine just when he needs a good talking to. Meanwhile their conversation is overheard by two soldiers making small talk behind the lines--a Reb and young Zebulon Rawlings. For the last time we also partake of Raymond Massey's walk-on cameo as Lincoln, for which he received no spoken lines at all.

   There is a great deal of natural spectacle, though most of the history having bent to the conventions of action sequences. Four directors were required for this production (Henry Hathaway, John Ford, George Marshall & Richard Thorpe for the transitions). It's absolutely astonishing how well the finished product melds into one unified production.

   The time jumps make it hard to follow sometimes. And yet it's impossible not to admire the sweeping panoramic shots and birds-eye views of the American wilderness, all ending with a sky-high view of the cloverleafs of the San Francisco freeways of 1963 and all the modern cities our ancestor's sacrifices made possible. Highly recommended.

Getting Back Together: Other Beatles 'Reunions' Besides the Anthology Business

   I'm the same as everyone else. I'd have loved the Beatles to get back together, which they had...in a way, sort of....though it took some graveyard recording techniques to get John involved in the Beatles Anthology project. From what I recall, Paul seemed to have more enthusiasm than George; but then George had pretty much moved on with his life by then.
   Technically speaking of course, they HAD 'gotten back together' numerous times in the 70's, pitching in on the other guy's records. People tend to make more of these things than they should; I mean these blokes knew each other for ten years, it's natural that they might lend a guitar to a track on an old band mate's record. And such are the most egregious examples that follow:

(1) A Toot And a Snore-1974 bootleg LP
   Contrary to popular opinion, Paul and John did spend some social time together after their 'divorce' from the Beatles. It was actually a kind of sporadic contact spaced with vitriol in between lawsuits. There was some warming between the pair before John's murder in 1980.
   Probably the most improbable get-together was this jam session captured in 1974 where they were joined by Harry Nillson, Stevie Wonder and others. This was during everybody's stoner period in the 70's, which might explain why this is such an incoherent mess; you can't tell where one song begins or even what they hell it is they're trying to play, if anything.

(2) Wedding Bells ring again!
   Rock star weddings are always a papparazzi's dream, especially when any one of the Fab Four pops in for an appearance. The 'Threetles' managed this twice in a two-year period, first at the wedding of Eric Clapton to George's ex-wife Patti Boyd. Which had all the makings of an awkward situation, but at least in the pictures Paul, George & Ringo are smiling.
   The wedding of Ringo Starr to Barbara Bach

in 1981 was another occasion to assemble, although there may have been a somber overcast behind their smiles, as this was only a few months after John Lennon was assassinated. But hey it's Ringo, how can you say no to him, especially on a happy day like that? That wedding photo with the mates and all their brides is a classic, and they even jammed a little after the ceremony.

(3) Paul & Ringo at his 70th Birthday Bash-2010
   The last time the 'Threetles' got together socially was for Ringo's 60th birthday, the year before George died. Since then Paul has been no stranger. Actually Ringo had become something of a regular on Paul's albums ever since his Tug of War LP in 1982. Well, everybody else gets together with family for a quiet birthday party. Ringo was treated to a night at Radio City Music Hall for his 70th in 2010. After the last song of the night, "Give Peace a Chance"/"With a Little Help From My Friends", Paul unexpectedly showed up on stage to give the man a hug and to join in a rousing performance of "Birthday".
   Ringo's still helping out on Paul's records, and Paul's reciprocating on his. For the Beatles 50th Anniversary of their 1st appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show in 2014, CBS mounted a night of stars honoring (in some cases ravaging) classic Beatles songs. What was left of the originals couldn't help but perform, Ringo taking on "Yellow Submarine" & "Boys" and then joined by Paul for "With a Little Help From My Friends" & "Hey Jude".

(4) The Rutles: All You Need is Cash-1978
   George has been a Monty Python groupie from the beginning. He was happy to put in a cameo as a befuddled journalist in this hilarious and loving mockumentary of the greatest rock and roll band in the world. Every event, every song gets the warped Python treatment. Watch out for Eric Idle losing his news van as it drives off without him...and then later as the same van chases after him and runs him down!

(5) Give Us a Hand, except for Paul
   I could  go into all the specific iterations where one ex-Beatle showed up on a  track by another ex-Beatle, but I suspect that would be getting TOO anal. George began the practice by supporting John's Plastic Ono Band lineup for their "Peace for Christmas" concert at London's Lyceum Ballroom in December 15, 1969. This eclectic grouping also included Eric Clapton, Billy Preston, Klaus Voormann, the Stones' pianist Nicky Hopkins, & on drums a double bill featuring the Who's Keith Moon & future Yes drummer Alan White.
   It became kind of a standard practice for George or John to help out on a Ringo record, or George to lend a note to John's songs, although sadly it seems John never reciprocated on his mate's tunes. Paul would remain the odd man out until the 1980's, and John's murder sad to say, may have had a lot to do with that. Speaking of which...

(6) "All Those Years Ago"-1981
   George had originally offered this track to Ringo, but he didn't feel it was a good fit for him. After John's murder, George was moved to offer some tribute to the man he felt was like an older brother to him. Using Ringo's drum track, he recorded the song himself and invited Paul and Linda McCartney to provide back-up vocals, which was a kind of Beatles reunion in itself. Ringo would do the same in George's honor with his 2003 recording "Never Without You", guest-starring Eric Clapton with his guitar solo.

(7) "Ringo"-1973
   For sheer Beatle reunions that aren't Beatles reunions they don't come better than this. For Ringo's 1973 solo record everyone lent a hand--John and George joined him on "I'm the Greatest" on piano & guitar respectively, while Paul lent a kazoo (seriously) to his hit single "You're Sixteen". John wrote "I'm the Greatest" for the LP & George & Ringo co-wrote his single "Photograph". They'd repeat this feat--almost--on Ringo's follow-up LP Goodnight Vienna. Paul & George were absent, but John contributed another song, "(It's All Down to) Goodnight Vienna", backing him on piano & lending an acoustic guitar to "Only You (and You Alone".

Marvel Zombies-review

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17785970-marvel-zombies" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img alt="Marvel Zombies: The Complete Collection Volume 1" border="0" src="https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1384736825m/17785970.jpg" /></a><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17785970-marvel-zombies">Marvel Zombies: The Complete Collection Volume 1</a> by <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/12736.Mark_Millar">Mark Millar</a><br/>
<br /><br />
The only reaction one can have when reading this is "WHAT THE F---?" Who would possess anyone to do something like this? Through a twisted warped looking glass, indeed. The heroes you all know and love devour the world in the ultimate Zombie Apocalypse scenario. Not surprising perhaps since it sprang from the mind of Robert Kirkman, the same joker who gave us The Walking Dead comic that the TV series is based on. Giant Man himself has gone from a selfless brilliant scientist to a duplicitous back stabbing fiend. And this is only the first series! my favorite part is the panel where Spider-Man finally gets his revenge on J. Jonah Jameson. Just desserts. Surprisingly enjoyable, very warped, very perverse, I leave to the reader whether this is your bag.
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/30580940-michael-duane-robbins">View all my reviews</a>

The Challenge of Ideas (1961)

John Wayne actually has only a small part to play in this 30-minute documentary. Host Edward R. Murrow assures us that the threat of Communism is "a conflict unlike any we have ever faced in our history as a nation>" Hmm, that has a familiar ring....These people ought to have realized the American character is too stubborn ie thick to ever willingly put Communists in any position of power in our fair nation. No, we have our own stupid politicians to mislead us.

The Duke joins a short parade of experts designed to sway our opinion about the Communist threat and to remind us of the need for vigilance. Although to suggest as Hanson Baldwin does that we had a "hands-off", benevolent policy towards the uncommitted (or even our committed) countries of the world is disingenious  at best; at worst it's perjury! When it came to thrid-world nations, the Soviet Bloc & us both acted like fish-heads.

Frank McGee narrated the section on Economic 'penetration' by the Communists; & I'm sorry, but just hearing that name reminds me a Jack McGee from the "Incredible Hulk" TV series. To his credit his name-checks the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which will probably be the one & only time where a right-wing documentary portrays anything from the United Nations in a positive light.

Duke shows up five minutes in, and soon offers up what I think may be the best summary of what it means to be an American: "As a people we are often active & noisy...We are industrious, often to the bafflement of ourselves & our friends...We relax as hard as we work. We are proud, we are sentimental. Beauty is of national concern to us. For some of us it's a deadly serious past-time. The rest of us simply enjoy the results." Our greatest value is our freedom,as Duke points out, ;our ability to act as a responsible being; our right to explore the truth & to govern ourselves.

This was beamed into our homes as part of the Big Picture series, & produced by the Department of Defense's Information agency. This doc is no better or worse than other propaganda pieces of the time, or any of the productions the Duke saw fit to shove in our faces during that period.

The Comancheros (1961)

I sincerely hope the Duke had a stunt double for that scene where he & Stuart Whitman were supposed to be hanging by their arms in the desert sun. That'd be a lot to ask of a 54 year old actor. Stuart Whitman & John Wayne made a very odd couple in this flick, but they're an agreeable pairing, given to a lot of verbal sparring. It's a shame they didn't pair up for more films.

It begins with a duel in which Whitman's character Paul Regret wins. Unfortunately he's done so right at the exact tune that dueling became illegal in Louisiana. That puts him in the sights of Texas Ranger Jake Cutter (Duke). I don't know who gave it to him worse on that steamboat; the Duke or Pilar (Ina Balin), the Hispanic lady he tried to hook up with. Sad;y for him, Pilar is a strong-willed woman who regards love as a game of war.

Now the only thing my son Nathan could think of after Regret clocks Cutter with a shovel was that scene from "Blazing Saddles" where Clevon Little does the same to Slim Pickens. Before long Cutter has to recruit his own prisoner Regret in an undercover operation to find the outlaw band of the film title. What they are is a secret society of banditos, a literal army fond of inflicting the cruelest punishments, even on their own members.

Here Regret is reunited with Pilar, the daughter of Graille, the man in charge of this merry band. A frantic wagon chase ensues with both Comancheros and their white bandits brothers in hot pursuit. The Texas Rangers arrive just in time to save our heroes.

It's a bit of a family affair as far as casting went. Duke's son Patrick Wayne makes his third appearance in one of his father's films, this time in a minor role as rookie Ranger Tobe. Although here he was billed as 'Pat' Also on board was his five-year-old daughter Aissa Wayne in an uncredited part as Bessie Marshall. She was his child, ironically enough, by his wife Pilar, and this would be little Aissa's second time in a Duke film, after the previous year's "The Alamo".

Don't miss Lee Marvin's brief part as the drunken ill-tempered gun-runner Crow. His luck to be just a tad slower on the draw than the Duke. The producer by the way was George Sherman, the director of all the Duke's Three Mesquiteer movies in 1938-39. Sherman would return one last time to direct "Big Jake".

Elmer Bernstein delivers a solid soundtrack that keeps the ball rolling. This movie was everything you would expect from a western, and everyone seemed to enjoy being a part of it, judging by the big grin Duke wore throughout the picture. One last footnote: Cutter is referred to as Big Jake in the end, which would be the same of another John Wayne movie in the future.